Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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