the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
worst night to have a conscience
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
