Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
