some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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