I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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