Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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