atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
