After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't deserve a penis
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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