About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
