after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
