i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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