just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
