New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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