she looked like the before picture.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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