I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
