Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
