ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
