I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
