What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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