she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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