yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The adults are the big ones right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
