i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
