I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
