I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
