i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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