she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
