Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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