She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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