I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
