I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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