I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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