i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
