Just cropdusted the office
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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