Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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