I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
