Don't make out with my wife yet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
