When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
