Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
