I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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