just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
