After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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