I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
