You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
