youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
