I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
