Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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