She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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