Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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