this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
