When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
