Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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