so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
